Each family has their rituals. A sacred elevation of the otherwise mundane. In our house, it’s Oscars Night.
There’s something for everyone. My mother and sister will transform into Trinny & Sussanah, offering cutting critique and commentary on the fashion. My dad will watch, riveted by the Best Actor race, believing that Denzel should win even if he isn’t nominated. My brother will stay up late with me, mostly to tease me with the results all night (#delayedtelecast).
Over the years though, I’ve come to learn some things from the Oscars. Sacred life lessons to match the sacredness of the night itself. So, in honour of International Woman’s Day this month, here’s a few things everyone should know.
Women are everything. Men ain’t shit.
It is time we abolish Best Male Supporting Actor.
Why?
Because men have proven time in memoriam that they are frankly useless, and at worse an embarrassment. I’m not talking about in films; I’m talking about in life, in hosting, as partners. Men do not know how to support women. Some choice moments to enrage you:
Anne Hathaway & James Franco: Anne sweetie, I’m so sorry your name will forever be attached to this bullying, assaulting, should-remain-cancelled-forever man. This hosting was excruciating to witness. Franco took the words “go girl, give us nothing” literally to heart. Embarrassing.
Idina Menzel & John Travolta: how do you garble the name of the biggest hitmaker of the year so glibly it sounds like a character from Battlefield Earth? How do you then stroke her chin so disturbingly the next year it looks a second away from homicide? Double embarrassing.
Halle Berry & Adrien Brody: yes, you won Best Actor; no, it does not give you the right to maul the presenter with your face. Embarrassing.
Beauty is everything. Beauty allows you to get away with everything.
I love Angelina Jolie. I am an Angelina Jolie fan. If the world is against Angelina Jolie, then I am against the world.
You may try mock Angelina Jolie for incomprehensibly waving during a selfie.
You may try mock Angelina Jolie for her right leg power pose.
But you will not succeed. Because Angelina Jolie is beautiful and remains ethereally so no matter the moment.
Being a woman is tough. Being a woman of colour is even tougher.
This year Jane Campion is the first woman ever to be nominated twice for Best Director. Historic and also unfathomable it’s taken this long. Along the way she’s endured critique; unwarranted. Most recently from Sam Elliott (Bradley Cooper’s mumblecore brother in ASIB) , who “hit the trifecta of misogyny and xenophobia and homophobia.” Campion called him out; Campion was on a high.
And then she squandered all feminist goodwill at the BAFTAs.
“Venus and Serena, you’re such marvels. However, you don’t play against the guys, like I have to.”
Not sure about the merit in comparing oneself as a nepo baby (both parents have their own Wikipage) to the struggles of two black females in a sport that labelled them outsiders.
This year Ariana DeBose is also on track to win Best Supporting Actress for West Side Story, and in doing so will be the first Afro-Latina actor, and first openly queer WOC to win. Last year Chloe Zhao became the first WOC to win Best Director. Each year brings with it new firsts. And that’s great. But it shows there’s still a long way to go.